Thoughtful questions for over-thinkers
We talk with a lot of young people who think a lot (and we know this isn’t just a young person thing - we all do this!).
The anticipatory “what ifs” and the reflective “should haves” can keep us up at night, stall our decision-making, get in the way of our relationships, and lead to uncomfortable emotions.
If you live with an over-thinker, here are some gentle questions you could use to help them consider alternative perspectives:
What do I know to be true?
Consider the facts to stay in the reality of the moment.
Have you experienced this before? What happened? Who helped? What skills did you learn? Can you use these now?
for example, my parents have been arguing a lot, what if they get divorced? “what do I know to be true?” well, they aren’t divorced right now, they haven’t mentioned that they’re thinking about this, they’ve argued before and figured things out…
You get the idea.
Is my worry solvable?
Is this a problem to be solved? Is there information you can gather that will help you figure things out?
for example, my friend hasn’t replied to my last message, what if they’re mad at me?
This is such a common one and it can be tricky because worry is solvable if you ask them. But, you might not want to do that, in which case it isn’t, really, so you could go back and check the facts of what you know to be true.
Is this your problem to solve?
You might have some great ideas on what needs to change, but you might not actually in a position to make the change.
for example, let’s go back to the first worry that your parents might get divorced. Maybe you think they need to spend more time together, or maybe you can hear a pattern in their arguments and you know they just aren’t hearing each other. All this may be true, and you still aren’t going to be able to make things change.
Checking in on what is and isn’t in our control is important to help us accept situations we don’t like, or worries we have when we can’t be sure of the outcome.
And, if you’re considering sharing some of these thoughtful questions with a young person you know, remember to pick your moment - make sure you both have the time and mental capacity to talk.
Need more ideas? We’re here to help if you need us.